Finally I decided to do a posting on my quiet blog.

I've just been discharged from TTSH 2 days ago and am still recuperating from my last UTI.

Its altogether too familiar a scenario as I've been having it too often every year.
When I finally decided to see a urologist after this bout of uti, I was admitted to emergency before i can do so.
Due to a rare adverse reaction to an antibody that I was taking for my uti, I was sent into the emergency for hypoglycemia. Low glucose bloood count.

Luckily, jayne was with me when it happened and she took swift action to call the ambulance and saved me in time.
She must've been a god-send to be ard me when it happened.

What happened thereafter was a whole list of activities that plummets my usual jovial mental state bit by bit.

I was put on cipro a much stronger antibody to fight this uti after my glucose stablises.  The doctors took my urine sample to run a urine culture to find out what antibody works for my current infection.

Unfortunately few days later they came with the bad news.....my bodys bacteria is resistant to all antibodies but one left to try.

That very instant my happy self went pale and cold with fear. I have utis a few times a year within months of each other. This time being weeks.

At the slightest change of diet or lack of fluid even slightly for a day I would have had a relapse. With every treatment, my bact didnt die... it grew resilient and resistant to all meds. I was afraid to try this for fear it would mutate and once again be resistant to my final med available.

Then came the fear if it recurs they would tell me there isnt anymore med for my condition.

I tried researching day and night to see if there are any operations or system flushing I can do to rid myself of this bacteria instead of antibiotics....

non nil zilch.....

Most ppl who's body grew super resistant to the antibodies eventually died of complications.

Im only 31...
Just married to a wonderful hubby
Were having plans for having a child
Just embark on a new career route

Everything seems great and suddenly my world plummet into a whirlwind  of despair.

Lotsa great friends came and visited me during this period. Lotsa them are worried and kept checking up on me.
I just wanna say I know u guys care and I do love each n every one of u.

My dad told me he loves me... :)
I finally get to tell him the same.
My mum was worried and decided to put me on to try her nuskin method.
My bro cracking me up with jokes and games to cheer me up.
My mother in law is very understanding and worries for my health.
Even my dear domestic helper takes conscious care for me.

I have a great family. Great friends.
Great companion my husband.

Even though he is stressed at work, he will console me everyday. Though he is worried he will put in a brave front to keep me going forward.  Though he is scared and his heart's hurt he will not show it to encourage me to recover well.

I have so many wonderful ppl ard me it hurts me even more so to know I might just suddenly leave one day soon when the chances of it recurring is so high.

I did try not to think about it. But my body just wouldnt listen and trembles on its own. I know being stressed like this will only increase the chances of it occurring but I just cant control it.

Every hour I fear going to the toilet and feeling the inflammation feeling again. Ever day when I slp I fear I will get it the next day.  Every time I sit by I will think what will happen to everyone when im gone.

I dont wanna end it here and now.... I have too many family n friends I need to be alive for.

But constantly fearing it at the same time.

Now I believed in prayers I believe in love and faith.

I think when someone is pushed to their helpless limits, things like money fame and status dont matter anymore.

I only wanna be alive to be with my family n friends.... to have a family with my husband and to see my kid grow up till they r married.

I dont need big house nor big car.
This incident makes me realise this even more so and I vow to love everyone dearly. Dont wanna take anyone for granted.

How can I be strong?
How can I go on?

Im only 31....
Im only 31.................

Labels: sick worry love family